Background to the Research

• There were 2,314 divorces in 1996, a rate of 3.4 per 1,000 population. Although the divorce rate is lower than the rest of the UK this represented an increase of 50% on the number of divorces a decade earlier. In 1996 the divorce rate meant that around 4,000 children were coping with major changes in their family structure. These statistics do not include parents who separate and it is likely that the number of children experiencing the breakdown of their parents' relationship is much higher.
• In response to the growing rate of marital breakdown and in light of increasing research evidence, at an international and national level, of the effects of divorce on children and teenagers, Relate (NI) set up the first counselling service for teenagers in the UK in 1990.
• Those working in the new service realised that children's and teenager's experiences of divorce and separation in NI, and the services available to them, were poorly understood. In light of this, Relate (NI) obtained funding from the DHSS in 1994 to carry out a research project centered on the needs of teenagers from divorcing families.
  

Research Approach

• The sample consisted of 37 young people aged between 12 and 18 whose parents had separated or divorced within the last five years. The sample contained two sub-groups, those who had used the RelateTeen service and those who had not. Where possible the resident and non-resident parent of each teenager was invited to take part in the study. 23 statutory and voluntary agencies working in the area of separation and divorce were selected in a non-randomised sample.
• Data collection consisted of face-to-face interviews with the teenagers and parents. Four individual case studies were carried out with teenagers and their parents. Postal questionnaires were used to obtain the data from the statutory and voluntary agencies.
  

Main Findings

Profile of the Sample

• The sample was made up of 20 families from Belfast and 17 from outside Belfast. Altogether, 84 individuals took part in the study - 37 young people, 35 resident and 12 non-resident parents.
• 19 teenagers who had previously used RelateTeen were recruited and eighteen from other Belfast based organisations.
• 24 families described themselves as Protestant, twelve as Catholic and one as 'other'.
• The 37 teenagers included 22 girls (59%) and 15 boys (41%) and the majority were between the ages of 11 and 13 years when the separation occurred.
• 35 of the 37 young people were in full-time education - the majority being under the age of 16 years.
• The majority of parents had been separated for 2 years or more. Only one third were actually divorced.
• All the teenagers lived at home with a parent and the majority had siblings. 6 young people lived with a parent's new partner. In 33 of the families the mother was the resident parent and in four families it was the father.
• 25 teenagers (67%) had regular weekly or monthly contact arrangements with the non-resident parent and 4 teenagers (11%) had no contact at all.
• 17 statutory and voluntary agencies completed postal questionnaires.

The Young People's Experiences

• 28 (76%) teenagers were aware that their parents were having problems before the separation. However, most felt unprepared for the actual separation.
• In 20 families (55%) the father left the family home, in 2 families the mother left. In 12 families (32%) the mother and all the children left the family home. In 3 families the mother and some of the children left the family home.
• All 37 teenagers had clear memories of events surrounding the separation. Only 2 said that the separation came about through mutual agreement and joint-decision making. 9 reported witnessing violent scenes, 6 stated that the police were involved and 5 that their fathers were drinking heavily.
• 30 (84%) young people said that they were given information from a parent(s) around the time of the separation - usually from their mother. 18 viewed this information positively and 12 negatively. The information did not prevent emotional distress and some felt they were not consulted enough about what was happening.
• Teenagers reported feeling a range and mixture of emotions. 18 reported feelings of sadness at the changes in family life. 10 felt anger at the situation or with their parents. 14 (10 girls and 4 boys) felt relief linked to the end of arguments, tension and fighting. 4 felt guilt, rejection or self-blame.
• The majority of teenagers did not receive or give support to siblings during the separation. 22 (59%) said siblings were not able to help them cope and 18 (50%) stated that they were not able to help siblings cope.
• 30 (81%) young people reported that they had a 'good' relationship with their mother, six a 'fair' relationship and one an 'unsatisfactory' relationship.
• 15 (40%) teenagers said that they had a 'good' relationship with their father at the post-separation stage. 11 (30%) reported their relationship was 'fair' and the same number described it as 'unsatisfactory'. 16 (43%) changed the way they rated their relationships with their father after the separation.
• 30 young people (81%) described positive/special relationships with extended family before the separation and the same number stated that extended family were involved at the time of separation and the majority found this helpful. 7 reported having no involvement from extended family.
• 16 teenagers believed that one or both parents did not want them to talk about the separation outside the family. Of the other 21, only a small number felt encouraged to seek help outside the home. However, 29 (18 girls and 11 boys) talked to friends and twenty-four (83%) found this helpful.
• 26 (70%) young people said that separation had adversely affected their concentration and grades at school. Over 30 (80%) teenagers reported negative changes in their behaviour such as unhappiness, being withdrawn and aggressive. 16 (43%) young people were going through the transfer procedure or had just started secondary school at the time of separation. 14 (88%) felt the separation had affected their work or behaviour.
• 23 (62%) young people reported that teachers had noticed changes in their work or behaviour, with two-thirds of girls and one-half of boys believing this. 11 of the 23 teenagers perceived teachers' offers of help positively and twelve saw it in a negative light. 11 young people (29%) said either that the school did not have, or they did not know of, any support system for pupils. 34 (92%) teenagers suggested improvement to pastoral care, the main one being a counselling system operated by people other than teachers.

The RelateTeen Service

• None of the 19 teenagers who used RelateTeen knew of the service before using it, most found out about it within the family circle. Twelve young people said it was their decision to use the service and seven felt the decision was made for them, for the main part by a parent.
• 16 of the nineteen said they had difficulties with their emotional well-being, family relationships, school and their behaviour. Some wanted help to cope with the situation and three felt they had come to counselling to keep other people happy.
• 16 teenagers evaluated the service positively wile 4 made little use of the service.

Other Services

• Overall, the young people had a patchy knowledge and understanding of available support services. 10 teenagers used one or more formal services - there were 5 contacts with social workers, 2 with educational welfare officers. 2 with educational psychologists, 2 with youth workers and 1 with a GP. The 2 who used youth workers needed emotional support, the 8 others who used services were referred by adults concerned about their behaviour. Of these 8, 6 came from families where there had been alcohol abuse, domestic violence or parental mental health problems. The needs of the teenagers in using these services were similar to those reported for RelateTeen.

The Parent's Experiences

• In most cases the point of separation came about when one partner left or was asked to leave the family home.
• At the time of interview 75% of parents had been separated for two years or more. 20 parents (43%) thought that separation/divorce had had a negative impact on their family and 11 (30%) felt the impact had been positive. The remainder reported mixed effects.
• In 18 families parents reported the point of separation as traumatic. In 12 families others were involved - such as relatives, ministers, police, Housing Executive staff and refuge workers. In 12 families women reported incidents of domestic violence and in the other 19, the adults reported conflict in the form of arguments, hostility and tension.
• 45 (97%) parents reported that the separation had adversely affected their health. Among these affects were weight loss, problems sleeping, mood swings, depression, exhaustion, panic attacks, alcohol/nicotine dependency and suicidal behaviour.
• 31 parents (66%) felt unable to fully explain the situation to their young people. Reasons given for this included the parent's emotional state, acrimony between the estranged couple and dilemmas concerning what negative information to give their children about the behaviour of the other parent.
• 47 parents (15 mothers and 3 fathers) said they had been able to give their children the support they needed and 29 (20 mother and 9 fathers) felt unable to give this support. Fathers often felt they had lost their authority and power to parent, especially when they were not the resident parent - the case in 8 of the nine fathers unable to give support. Some mothers felt overwhelmed by lone-parenthood and the distress of their children.
• 85% of parents felt that their teenager had experienced problems as a result of the separation, ranging from physical, psychological, behavioural, school problems and problems communicating with other family members. Many parents reported that their young people experienced a combination of these difficulties.
• Parental arrangements for contact varied. 7 families had 'communicative parenting'- there was joint planning. 26 had 'parallel parenting'- there was conflict or little direct contact with the former partner and four families had 'no contact parenting'- there was no contact between parents and teenagers and contact between adults was non-existent or very difficult.

Parents and Service Provision

• All parents had contact with formal services and they had a greater ranger of services available to them. 93% had contact with a solicitor, 60% with a GP, 55% with teachers, 54% with Relate counsellors, 50% with ministers/priests and 34% with social workers. 93% of adults used more than one service.
• Of the services used by parents, contact with social work services and schools were the most significant services in terms of advice and guidance. Perceptions of the usefulness of social work services were mixed, some were viewed as supportive and helpful and some slow to respond and intrusive. 26 parents (55%) had contact with their teenagers school and 61% found this helpful.

RelateTeen

• 26 parents (19 mothers and 7 fathers) of teenagers who had used RelateTeen were interviewed. 23 (88%) parents in this group identified problems in their young peoples lives at the point of referral to the service. Those who had not identified a problem were not the source of the referral.
• 21 parents (81%) felt the service had helped their child, based on changes in behaviour and attitudes. All 26 parents reported that they would recommend the service to others and emphasised the importance of outside support because parents were too close to the situation and too busy trying to manage their own problems.

The Viewpoint of Professionals

• Professionals reported that the main difficulties facing parents were financial, emotional and social. Another problematic area was the setting up of satisfactory parenting arrangements.
• With regard to teenagers, there was also an emphasis on emotional and social adjustment and issues of contact with both parents. A number of professionals reported that for teenagers, issues relating to separation and divorce were sometimes overshadowed by other adolescent issues. It was felt that there was no one method for identifying the needs of teenagers.
• Over half of the agencies felt that their service met the needs of teenagers. Lack of resources and competing demands were given as reasons for the inability to meet their clients' needs. Nearly all services felt that there was room for improvement.
• The majority of agencies felt that resources for teenagers were very limited and did not know what services, other than their own, were available.

Discussion and Conclusions

• There is no single experience of parental separation and divorce. The study showed a complex dynamic process that impacted on young peoples lives before, during and after separation. Teenagers had diverse attitudes and perceptions of parental separation and divorce. They experienced and interpreted separation/divorce in different ways from each other and from the adults around them.
• The experiences and perceptions of young people suggest that adults (parents, relatives, teachers and other professionals) should avoid making assumptions about how young people experience separation.
• A feature of the data was the influence of the cultural context of Northern Ireland. The family and church maintain a predominant role in the social structure. The geographical size of the Province was reflected in the fact that few of the non-resident parents lived outside Northern Ireland and contact with non-resident parents was high.
• Informal support systems (particularly family and friends) played a very significant role in the lives of teenagers in the process of separation/divorce. The extended family played an important role for parents and teenagers. These support systems were more extensively used than formal services.
• In keeping with research into social attitudes in Northern Ireland there was a strong sense of stigma, isolation and shame associated with separation and divorce. The family was perceived to be a private institution and help should not be sought from outside the family in times of crisis.

General Needs

• Most teenagers were not prepared for the impact that the separation/divorce of their parents would have on them. They felt strong emotions which lasted for several years and which they found difficult to express given their level of awareness of the distress of siblings and parents.
• There was a need for information at each stage of the separation process, a need to be able to express feelings and a need for consistent parenting. Young people expressed the need for continuity in living arrangements and the need for normality in their lives.

Additional Needs

• Children in divorcing families are not usually viewed as a high priority group. The study found many children in situations that would make them a medium or high priority in child welfare operational terms. Violence was a factor in 15 of the families. Four teenagers, 2 boys and 2 girls, reported being hit, beaten or attacked by their fathers. Seven witnessed their mothers being hit, whilst others mentioned negative treatment - blackmail, threats, manipulation and denigration - of themselves and their mothers during the separation process. In addition there were only a small number of incidences where the mother reported domestic violence. Mothers and teenagers living with domestic violence felt embarrassment, stigma, fear and the threat of further violence if they tried to share information outside the family.
• Eleven families reported alcohol abuse as a feature of parental behaviour and 8 families reported both alcohol and domestic violence as factors in the family situation. In 2 families both parents were abusing alcohol.
• A small number of teenagers experienced acute distress, aggression or suicidal thoughts, eating disorders or exclusion from school.
• The majority of resident parents were women and the minority men. Girls were more likely to have infrequent contact with fathers and more frequently reported giving support to siblings than boys. Girls were more likely to take on a nurturing role in the new family and talked to friends more than boys. Boys were more likely to be without a male emotional role model. Professionals need to be very aware of how gender differences impact on how children cope with the divorce process.

What Helps

• In order that young people can better gain the capacities to manage the changes that separation/divorce bring into their lives ways need to be found so that they can tell their story and have their needs identified and considered as part of the process.
• Teenagers found the emotional, social and practical support they received helpful. With mothers the emphasis was on emotional closeness and good communication, with fathers it was on shared activities, watching sport, visiting relatives and going out together. Extended family members were valued for giving practical and social support to the new family unit. Friends were there to listen and to give social support.
• In relation to services offered by professionals the quality of the relationship between the teenager and adult was paramount. Trust, confidentiality, respect and good communication skills were deemed as important by young people. The ability of professionals 'just to listen' was valued by teenagers. An approach that emphasises the 'inter-personal' as much as 'problem solving' should be a priority in working with teenagers.
• Young people valued services in schools and in the community that were informal, flexible, accessible, confidential and which promoted their right to choose whether to use them.

What Hurts

• There is no lead agency with a formal responsibility to identify needs at the point of separation. Parents were as active as professionals in identifying problems.
• The capacity of the young people to cope with changing circumstances was lessened during the separation/divorce process. Lack of information from parents, the absence of anyone to confide in when parents themselves were struggling to meet the demands of the new situation and anxiety concerning the need to keep things private within the family contributed to this diminished capacity.
• In general, fathers were felt to be less involved in the family before separation, less supportive during it and less satisfactory in the post-separation phase. Relationships with the extended family on the father's side were more prone to distancing and cut-off. Teenagers often reported the negative impact of conflict and abuse on them and their family. This was more frequently attributed to fathers. Young people frequently commented on the negative involvement of extended family where they 'interfered', 'caused rows' and 'took sides'.
• In light of the findings, professionals need to be aware that some social relationships are more vulnerable than others during the divorce process. Post- separation parenting arrangements and the role of fathers in the family are priorities that need to be addressed. The protection of children and young people in relationships where abuse is present is another priority area highlighted by the study. Current legislation emphasises the desirability of contact with both parents. Many young people in the study reported being relieved to have escaped conflict and violence and ongoing contact was unwelcome.
• The most noteworthy barriers to seeking help were attitudinal. Many teenagers and adults viewed separation/divorce as a private matter and many preferred the informal support of family and friends. Some young people had lost their trust in adults in general because of the breakdown of their parents relationship. Young people's perceptions of teachers and the role of the school resulted in the support system being under-used. Young people may have feared being labelled for using certain services. Professionals need to be aware of the role that attitudes and perceptions play in the choices that teenagers/ adults make when deciding whether or not to access services.
• Significant gaps exist in range and effectiveness of service options available. Young people noted a lack of information about support services and found the school curriculum material on relationships and family life inadequate.Teenagers lacked awareness of services targeted at those experiencing separation/divorce. Experiences of contacts with professionals and services were mixed, services were not always perceived as user friendly. Teenagers felt they were not being listened to, respected and had little or no choice.
• The powerlessness experienced by teenagers in relation to social institutions in general was reflected in the divorce process. They lacked knowledge about divorce and it's affects on family life, they lacked information about service options, they needed to rely on adults to access services, they were not always able to make informed choices, the services were not always user friendly and the young people were not always treated with respect by adults. The most serious consequences of powerlessness were experienced by those young people who lived with domestic violence, alcohol abuse or parental mental illness. The study would suggest that the rights of young people need to be addressed and that service providers need to encourage young people's participation in services designed to meet their needs.

Recommendations

• The study recommends action based on a three-tier model of service provision that emphasizes the need for a structured developmental approach.
• Level 1: - A programme of education in schools and community youth work settings to inform and educate young people about family life and family transitions. A public campaign to raise awareness about relationship breakdown and factors that affect children/young people. A pro-active approach by adult service providers to ensure that parents have information, help and support at an early stage of the separation/divorce process.
• Level 2: - Parenting Education and support initiatives for fathers and mothers separating/divorcing. Specialist training for professionals in direct contact with young people. Promotion of the RelateTeen service through advertising and an increase in the provision of counsellors. Development and evaluation of new forms of service provision such as peer education projects, information shops and multi-agency initiatives. These must be user friendly and accessible to a wide audience of young people who may be affected by separation/divorce.
• Level 3: - Initiatives to promote the use of mediation services in order that parents may resolve conflict. Better access to services for young people at risk. Protection, support and counselling for young people who have witnessed/experienced domestic violence.

Further Research

• The study did not include teenagers from rural or ethnic minority communities.
• Further research should increase the sample size and draw on a more representative sample to assess whether subgroups of young people have different needs.
• Methodologies in future studies should test the significance of findings, particularly those factors which aid resilience amongst teenagers affected by divorce/separation. An evaluation of new forms of service provision should be undertaken.